I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
