dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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