Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
