I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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