Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
