I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They have beer where we have blood.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
