You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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