great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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