I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
