While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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