3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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