just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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