A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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