His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
