Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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