Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
