The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
