i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
