She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
