I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
