shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My breasts were aching with rage.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
