Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
