You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
