clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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