Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
