we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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