Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
