I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
