Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
