Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
