How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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