my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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