Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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