Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
