Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
