It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
