Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
