the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
