The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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