While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
