So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
