Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
pray to the hookup gods
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize