I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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