no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
