Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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