Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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