I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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