I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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