I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got inside last night via doggy door
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
