and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
