My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
