When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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