Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
