You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
