I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
